10:41 pm
Thursday, March 31, 2011
was i scared..?
strangely..
no.
haha.
i felt nothing.
no fear
no worry
no sadness
nothing.
is this the peace of God?
=)
it's strange coz you never know when you're gonna go right?
especially when the symptoms are not visible or felt.
or when you may be crossing the road one moment and next .. well..
life and death are equally unpredictable.
you could take all the precautions in the world
try all the remedies but it is an inevitable end.
would i tell anyone?
i have concluded i wouldn't.
shouldn't we live each day and spend time with people like as if it were their last anyway?
like.. to really cherish and not take the people around us constantly for granted.
i wouldn't want people to spend time with me because they know that these are my "last days".
i wouldn't want to chill with them and see their gazes and glances of pity.
ok i'm assuming that my friends would actually feel sad. hahaha.
assumptions.
but yeah
i would live life to the fullest to the very end!
it's horrid when you have to live counting down.
it's funny how i always thought that if i knew how much time i had left to live
and if it weren't alot
i would quit wadeva i was doing [school included] and
1) travel + mission trip(s)
2) shop for stuff for people i care about coz seeing smiles upon faces of my loved ones have always brought me immense joy
3) take that long awaited tour of Singapore i've always wanted to do
4) watch all the movies in the world
5) travel somewhere safe yet with minimal light pollution, spread a mat and sleep under the stars.. and drift off to eternity.
i mean it's understandable right?
BUT it's funny how it dawned upon me right now that well..
i'm ok.
i would go through life as it is,
i would meet my deadlines,
i would go to school,
i would go to church,
carry on leading ffn and my dg,
meet up with my friends as per normal.. ok maybe a lil bit more but nothing too unusual.
i wouldn't want to make it too.. extreme a deviation from the norm.
this is the life God has given me and i'll make the most as much as i can.
i have lived almost 23 years and if i had to live my life all over again,
there are definitely bits that i would not want repeated.
but when i look back,
i came to a .. strangely.. serene place of contentment.
i have so much to thank God for..
- For giving me a mummy who cooks, cleans and bears with my mess almost noiselessly and only complaining and nagging me when she really can't take it anymore. all for my own good of coz =)
- for a daddy who never fails to tell me that he loves me, that i mean a whole lot to him, that he's proud of me regardless of my accomplishments or lack of it
- for a sister who has always been my pillar of support, who has taken care of me, encouraged me, cleared up my mess and gave me the best while she settled for less
- for a mentor who loves me deeply, who cries and shares in my joy and tears
- for experiencing and knowing what it means to have loved once deeply and be equally loved back
- for having been serenaded to
- for leading awesome track teams
- for friends who would study in school with me till midnight on saturday nights
- for friends who stayed up to help me vet my essays
- for having once laid my head peacefully on a strong arm as we stargazed upon the sand in quietness
- for having disciples who regard me as a friend and confidant
- for being able to see the world, to travel, to pick up different customs and languages
- for having no lack in clothes, money, necessities
- for being able to experience life on a pc and mac! hahaha
- for the brilliant chance to give a mini tour of singapore to a foreigner =D
- good health most of the time
- being able to taste food cooked with much love and having cooked/baked for my loved ones even though i'm afraid of a cooking fire
- for being able to go to good schools that have really shaped me to be who i am today as well and opening my eyes to different things
- for a soft toy i really love uber much and is the longest i have ever slept with in my whole life (most of my bed toys dun last very long before i get bored of them haha)
- for the many crazy nights i have had in various parts of singapore - be it on an illegal scooter, bumpy lorry, semi-suv, mercs or a crazy toyota vios driving on the wrong side of the road and all with delightful company of coz =)
- being able to eat so much of the chocs i have loved at various stages of my life!
- just making me the way i am =)
thank You Lord,
thank You for everything
it's been one heck of living for twenty-two years!
♥