nothing fancy
nothing much
just some thoughts
to be in touch
- aiting -
hullo
4:05 am
Monday, February 14, 2005
- God's plan? -
i really hate expectations.
yet i live in the shadow of them...
i think God has been really magnanimous,yet i take it for granted,i do not cherish it. When i was younger,i really loved the fact tt my parents were leaders in the church,gave me some form of 'superiority' over the other kids whose parents were 'mere' church members.i was so shallow. it's been a blessing in many ways,i got to know more ppl through my parents,and more ppl knew me coz of my parents.but yet....now even as i've grown older,and am currently leading my own faithfulnest cell,it's really irksome tt i live in the shadow of my parents. yesterday i went to desiree,one of my junior cell member's house.her mother asked me who my parents were in the middle of our heart attack game,and i hesitantly said 'Gordon and Elsie'.and the immediate reaction was, 'Oh!Gordon GOH is ur father?!' followed by ,'dear [her husband], jolene is Gordon Goh's daughter!'.sigh...i hate the expectations tt follow...i'm not as great as my father in terms of spirituality and all,never was,though probably might be.but i do try my best.i just hate to have to be measured up against someone.or have someone expect something of u just coz of ur connections.
likewise for track i guess.i had never felt so blessed before in my entire life as compared to when i was track captain of cedar.i'm not naturally gifted with running abilities,but i was dedicated and passionate abt track during my time in cedar.so to be selected among the hundred odd of us to become capt,furthermore of a great team like the Cedar Athletic Team which has a long line of records and championship titles,was the epitome of my track achievements and my ultimate honour.yet,now in acjc,i dun want ppl,esp trackers,to find out tt i was the capt.why?simply coz i hate to live under tt expectation.it's really irksome when ppl expect certain things of u.and it's even more irritating coz i know i can't live up to those expectations...at least for now...
some things are just like a double-edged sword.blessing or problem?
last night i started on my experiencing God quiet time material.it was about trusting in Him wholeheartedly.i think the main message to me was tt,my confidence stems from Him alone,not from the earthly possesions or ppl around me.all these expectations are probably God's way of motivating me to achieve more,to live up to my fullest potential.but i'm such a slacker...i just wanna remain in the present.i'm content with wad i have and wad i am.yet...i know His plans for me hold much more...